stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
