Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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