My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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