I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
