How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
