she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
