We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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