When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
