She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
