lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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