It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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