the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
