I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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