My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
