Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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