I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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