Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
