I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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