I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
