her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
