YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
