I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
