Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
