the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I need moral support for this bender
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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