He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
