"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
