porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
