Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
