Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
