I cockslap morals
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
