I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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