At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize