there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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