If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
