he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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