I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
