I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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