The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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