someone owes me an orgasm
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
