i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
