At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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