Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I did not marry a roomba.
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