i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
