I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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