the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
