why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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