My balls are so social today.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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