Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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