i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
