Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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