i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
