let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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