I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
